Make Yourself Great (Again?): A New Year’s Challenge
Now that the election is over, or at least the voting, and we are nearing the end of a crazy year, it seems like a good time to think about what is next. This year has been one of tremendous conflict, frustration, and fear with what seemed like a decade’s worth of big issues packed into a single year. If you are like me, you are feeling a little exhausted. I am over the pandemic, the election, and endless Zoom.
So, what should we do? The easiest step is just to continue to go with the flow. Unfortunately, at least for me that would mean a slow steady increase in stress and, with winter coming, a feeling of depression. Times like these seem to call for trying something different…a sort of “do over” that we typically seem only to consider as a new year begins. Why not start New Year’s resolutions now, since I think we all want this year to be over?
After consulting with dozens of experts (okay, not really, but doesn’t everyone exaggerate these days?), I think I have come up with an approach that might help. Stealing liberally from many people much brighter and more enlightened than myself, I propose that we all step back and focus on ourselves for a little while. Since every new effort needs a catchy nickname, I suggest we call this Make Yourself Great. (For many of us that would be enough, but if you used to be great sometime before 2020, you can feel free to add “Again”.)
To make this a Challenge, I am proposing three steps, each a little harder than the last. I figured I would use Olympic-medal naming since the Games were also something that got messed up in 2020, but may be possible, again, next year.
MYGA Bronze: Make your life a little better
Jesus spent 40 days in the desert. Monks go off to caves and hideaways. Professional athletes have an off season. It’s not necessarily true that we need to be alone (although that can absolutely be true for the introverts amongst us), but we do need to disconnect from the pressures and influences of regular life.
There are a ton of books on how to chill out and re-center a little, so you don’t necessarily need to figure this out on your own. I will suggest a few things that seem to make it on most lists of various experts.
Get a little exercise: Go for a walk or run or a bike ride or whatever works for you. The key is to move some and get your blood flowing. If you have been doing the same thing for the last 6 months, try mixing it up. I know winter is coming, but there are a lot of easy things to do inside as well. The world of Youtube is full of exercise you can do inside from yoga to dance to every possible stretching idea. Just Google “best Youtube exercise videos” and get started. My wife suggests Yoga with Adrienne and Bodyfit with Amy if you want a place to start. (I am still sore from the 30-minute Amy workout which didn’t seem to bother my wife…I guess a little humility is good for us all.)
Turn off the phone/screens: If you haven’t already done so, it is time to disconnect from the world a little bit. You can’t possibly make yourself great if you don’t allow yourself to heal first, and the news and social media and almost all outside noise tend to distract us from ourselves. Try it for at least a few hours a week. The world won’t end. Try just an hour at first, maybe around dinner? Turn off your phone and computer. You aren’t that important. They will be just fine if they reach you later. In fact, you will probably find that 90% of the “emergencies” resolve themselves if you don’t answer. My wife allows herself just half an hour each day to look at social media of any kind. When her 30 minutes are up, she doesn’t look again until at least 24 hours have elapsed.
Try to meditate. Or pray. Or whatever helps you let go for a few minutes. The key is to try to stop our non-stop minds. Again, there are thousands of videos or apps if you want help. My method is to sit for a few minutes every day after I shower. My wife prefers using yoga to focus on her breath and draw in energy.
Get out in nature. If you live somewhere where you can get to a park, or a garden, or a hiking trail, then that is awesome. If you can find some water (the ocean, a lake, a river) and just sit there for a few minutes it will do wonders. I tried going for a slow walk around the block to just look closely at the plants in my neighbors’ yards. It is amazing what you notice when you really look closely. My Aunt has always been great at this. She always notices what is in bloom, what new colors are out, and is happy just walking in a park. She is also a joy to be with. There must be a connection!
Anything else that works for you. Maybe a good book? Maybe listen to some favorite music? The key is just to try to make a little time for yourself each day. Can you schedule it in somehow? Maybe hide in your car? Maybe get up a little earlier? Rearrange your schedule and put MYGA on as a 30-minute meeting during the day. No one will know…
Finally,
Cut yourself a break. We are all too hard on ourselves. None of us is perfect. We all have some form of suffering. It’s okay. Just try to let it go. If that doesn’t work try talking to someone that gets you: a friend, a therapist, your dog. You made a mistake, or mistakes. You can get through it.
Once you have focused on yourself a little you are ready for the next challenge.
MYGA Silver: Help somebody else
This is not a secret. Humans are social animals. We are happier when we help someone else. You know the Golden Rule. Jesus referred to helping others dozens of times. Every religion focuses in some way on the less fortunate. This is a universal wisdom. No experts needed. You will feel better if you help someone else. So, what can you do?
Just listen. This is really hard for me personally as many of my friends will attest. I am usually figuring out what to say in response…or drifting off to whether I should change the players on my fantasy football team. While it is much easier said than done, if you can try to really listen to someone for even a brief time it will make both of you happier. Those of you with kids know that car rides can be a great way to get someone talking and make it easier to just listen.
Practice everyday generosity. Hold the door for someone. Pay the toll of the person behind you. Throw an extra quarter in the parking meter that is running out. Offer to do some chore you don’t usually do. Try to find one nice thing to do for someone else each day. Our friend recently was the recipient of a free coffee when someone in the drive-thru ahead of her paid for her coffee. She didn’t need the money, but it was a great reminder, she said, of the goodness of people and inspired her to do something nice for someone too.
Make time for family/friends. This can be tough in a stressed world and hard to do in a pandemic. Maybe a call every week or two? If you know someone older the pandemic can make their life especially lonely. Reach out. Our neighborhood friends have organized a Friday socially distant happy hour on our porches and sidewalks. That has been a real lifesaver, as have been the weekly Zoom visits with my parents and siblings.
Volunteer — give your time. This can be tough in a pandemic, but it is not impossible. Maybe you can cook (or buy food from a restaurant…they need our help these days) and deliver a meal to someone going through a rough patch. Try being a mentor to someone less “experienced” (a nice euphemism for “old”). One gentleman we know actually took time every weekday this summer to pick up and deliver donated school lunches to refugee families from our church.
Donate — give your treasure. Many of us are lucky enough that we have at least a few extra dollars that we don’t need each month. If you are in this group, give some of it away. Find a good cause and help it out. A few individuals in our area recently teamed up to pay for a weekly farm share delivery to a needy family.
Okay, it seems like maybe you are getting pretty close to great. One last challenge.
MYGA Gold: Connect with the other
There is a phrase: birds of a feather flock together. There is a lot of research that says this is especially true for humans. We tend to live, work, and play with people like ourselves. Most of the time we don’t even realize it.
Who makes you uncomfortable? Who don’t you “get”? We each have our own other.
Identify the others of your flock. These might include the poor, the homeless, the disabled, the addicts; the people of another color, another religion, another sexual persuasion; the people who voted for a different person for president.
Read a book or watch a show about the Other. If you can’t actually spend time with them try to learn more about them. Find something that tells their actual stories, not some pundit’s view on how society shaped them and how they should change. The more you learn the easier it is to connect. I, for one, plan to watch the show “Heard” on PBS that features individuals living in public housing in Richmond telling their own stories.
Try to find a way to be with them. I think for me the Other I need to reach out to most right now is someone who voted for a different candidate for president. I am surrounded by people who think like I do and I just don’t understand how someone could think differently when the choice is so OBVIOUS (to me)! Stepping back, however, it is clear that half the country thinks differently than I do (and you do). I think I am going to send a Facebook message to someone that I know voted differently and see if we can just talk for a little while. (I may have defriended them in the last six months, but now it is time to test out my Silver listening skills.)
The key to all this is to change your own attitude, not someone else’s life. Everyone is an Other until we spend time with them…and then they seem normal. (Maybe still a little different, but it is a difference you can understand and maybe learn to appreciate.)
I can guarantee that if the world were to be attacked by aliens or zombies (which I assume is still possible by the end of 2020) you would be able to bond with that Other. From a religious perspective we are all God’s children, made in God’s image. We are all shaped by both genes from our parents and how we were raised…and none of us had a choice. Are you sure you wouldn’t be similar if you walked in their shoes?
Well, there is your Challenge. Are you up to it? Dream a big dream, but start with some really easy first steps. Success feeds success. Make yourself great! (Feel free to suggest your own ideas in the comments.)
